nobody told us knuckles were a train track for prayer
beads until we lost everything
and onlookers said ‘pray harder’
the church folk said
job is a man who lost everything
and was given more
but listen
the word/name job triggers me
because i broke my skull in pursuit of one
so please stop right there
we went to church to purge ourselves,
to atone
we lived with curses that defied intercession
feared the neighbour’s herbs so we prayed harder
for ourselves
never for them
never for them
i missed my stop on the way to the cross
only realised where i was
when a voiceover said
‘will all passengers please leave the train…’
maybe it’s too high up on the hill
maybe i keep missing it
i want something to lift me so i can see
now i’m on a train back to where the air looms with loss
our heirlooms are broken mirrors:
we see ourselves as cursed before we know what sin is
it took a change in season to make me see that saying
goodbye to winter meant
losing the comfort of the fire
First published in Agbowo.
Nkateko Masinga is an award-winning South African poet and 2019 Fellow of the Ebedi International Writers Residency. Her latest poetry chapbook, psalm for chrysanthemums, was selected by the African Poetry Book Fund and Akashic Books for publication in the 2020 New Generation African Poets chapbook box set.
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